I cut my penus on the lid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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