you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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