I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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