You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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