What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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