I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want to be your penis for a week.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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