Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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