i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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