I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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