someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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