Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize