I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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