Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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