He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize