I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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