I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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