I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
40s are totally the cure
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You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize