I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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