I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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