I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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