your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize