You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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