She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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