Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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