I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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