I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
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Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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