I cockslap morals
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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