If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize