Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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