i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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