He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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