he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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