Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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