did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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