It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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