My hand turned me down
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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