When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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