Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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