So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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