I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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