I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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