I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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