Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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