I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I CAN MOONWALK!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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