yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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