Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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