WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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