God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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