Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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