loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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